The longexpected party
Bilbo's 111. birthday
- Gandalf:
- sets off fireworks - a tree, fountain that turns into jet planes
- Frodo:
- dances
- Bilbo:
- Fatty Bolger, lovely to see you! Welcome, welcome.
- Frodo:
- sits down next to Sam Go on, Sam, ask Rosie for a dance!
- Sam:
- I think I'll just have another ale.
- Frodo:
- Oh, no you don't! (shoves Sam to Rosie) Go on!
- Bilbo:
- (is telling his story to the young hobbit children) So there I was, at the mercy of three monstrous trolls, and they were all arguing amongst themselves about how they were going to cook us! Whether it be turned on a spit, or to sit on us one by one and squash us into jelly! They spent so much time arguing the whithertos and the whyfors that the sun's first light crept up over the top of the trees and turned them all to stone!
- Gandalf:
- fetches fireworks
- Merry:
- Quickly! (helps Pippin into Gandalf's wagon)
- Gandalf:
- sets off a butterflies firework, which the children try to catch Up they go!
- Merry:
- Not that one! The big one, the big one!
- Pippin grabs the largest firework he can find, which is bright red and huge. They hurry into the tent, so they won't be caught with it. Pippin lights it.
- Pippin:
- Done!
- Merry:
- You're supposed to stick it in the ground!
- Pippin:
- It is in the ground!
- Merry:
- Outside!
- Pippin:
- This was your idea!
- The firework goes off, taking the roof of the tent with it, and leaving Merry and Pippin flat on the ground, covered in soot. The firework goes straight up, becomes a dragon's head, turns around, sprouts wings, and flies in low over the crowd. General panic.
- Frodo:
- (sees it coming and tries to warn Bilbo) Bilbo, watch out for the dragon!
- Bilbo:
- Dragon? Nonsense, there hasn't been a dragon in these parts for a thousand years!
- They duck to avoid the dragon, which, having given everyone a good scare, dissolves into a spectacular shower of sparks. Merry and Pippin observe the results and are well pleased.
- Merry:
- That was good!
- Pippin:
- Let's get another one!
- Gandalf:
- (comes up behind and grabs Merry and Pippin by their ears) Meriadoc Brandybuck, and Peregrin Took. I might have known.
- Merry and Pippin end up washing dishes in penance. Several hobbits go by carrying an enormous cake laden with candles, and Bilbo stands up.
- Hobbits:
- Speech, Bilbo! Speech!
- Frodo:
- Speech!
- Bilbo:
- My dear Bagginses and Boffins, Tooks and Brandybucks, Grubbs, Chubbs, Hornblowers, Bolgers, Bracegirdles and Proudfoots!
- a Hobbit:
- Proudfeet!
- Bilbo:
- Today is my one hundred and eleventh birthday!
- Hobbits:
- Happy birthday!
- Bilbo:
- But alas, eleventy one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable hobbits! I don't know half of you half as well as I should like and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve!
I have things to do. I've put this off for far too long. I regret to announce this is the end! I'm going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell! Goodbye.
- Bilbo puts on the ring and vanishes, to the astonishment of everyone except Gandalf. Footsteps up the path to Bag End. Door opens. Bilbo appears, taking off the ring. Puts it in his pocket. Chooses a staff from beside the door.
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